Dear Amy
by Brook18
Summary: Almost a year after Derek's death they finally take a look through his living will, and find out who he wants to leave his board seat to. There's a letter included in the will adressed to Amelia, and Owen reads it to her.


Amelia Shepherd is sitting in a office chair in the conference room of Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital. Owen Hunt called her down here half an hour ago.

Now she's sitting with a bunch of papers in front of her. She's never been all that great with paperwork but Owen explained most of it. The papers are ownership papers and a living will and a letter from her dead brother.

He's been dead for almost a year now but somehow they're only now going through his will. With Meredith disappearing from the face of the earth for so long the progress was stalled and the board has been down to members.

Owen just informed her that Derek left his shares to her. And that he also left her his board seat. She still can't quite fathom it but there's also no reason why he'd lie and so it must be true.

The board already voted on it and she's officially been accepted into their ranks, all she has to do is say yes.

And read this damn letter.

Owen is still staring at her, trying to figure out if she's okay, and if he should give her privacy. The last time she was faced with a memory of Derek she had silently asked him to stay but he isn't sure if that means she wants him here now as well.

"Amelia", He says, and she finally looks up from the envelope that holds Derek's letter to her, "are you okay?".

She smiles feebly and considers his question. Is she okay? She's not sure. She figured that by now all the chaos surrounding Derek's death would have passed, but new things keep popping up.

She picks up the envelope and twirls it around, unable to open it. "I'm not sure". She holds the letter out to him and meets his eye, "Could you... I mean, would you read it to me?". She's embarrassed that she needs his help yet again, just like with the voice mail, but he seems oblivious to it and just takes the envelope with a sympathetic look in his eyes.

Carefully he opens the envelope and takes out the letter. As he folds them open Amelia notices there are two sheets of paper there. Two sheets filled with words her now dead brother wrote.

Tears prickle in her eyes at the thought but she refuses to let them fall just yet. She needs to hear what the letter says first.

After glancing her way one last time Owen referts his eyes down to the paper and begins to read.

 _Dear Amy,_

The first tear escapes her eye at the sound of the nickname her brother always called her. She'd almost forgotten how familiar it used to feel to hear it.

 _The fact that you're reading this right now means that I'm gone and that I'm never coming back, and for that I am so sorry. If anyone doesn't deserve losing a brother it's you. After losing dad so young I'd planned to stay alive forever, but I guess life doesn't alway work out the way you planned._

 _There are so many things I did wrong when it came to you, and I'm sorry that I'll never get the chance to make it up to you. I've always wanted to protect you, I know that you know that already, but I don't think you know just how much I needed you to be okay._

Owen's voice is rough, as if he too is struggling to keep his emotions in check. Amelia remembers suddenly that it's his friend that died the day her brother died and she feels guilty for not realising sooner. He carries on reading calmly.

 _Ever since dad died I've felt like I became your surrogate father, and in a way I was, on top of being your brother. For a long time I kept my distance so you wouldn't be reminded of his death, and so I wouldn't remember the way you looked when I found you unconscious on the bathroom floor._

 _Then when we finally saw each other again, not thanks to me, I was a jackass. And I was one again when you moved here to help me. I gave you hell and you stood up to me, you had every right to stand up to me, and more importantly you shouldn't have had to._

 _For a long time I've wanted to keep you safe from all the pain in the world. I didn't want you to know that pain existed, let alone have you feel it. But the thing is you have felt pain. You've felt so much pain and you survived. You came out stronger._

 _You lived through a childhood without a father, you struggled with your addiction but you overcame it, you fought against me and our sisters, and anyone else that's ever doubted you, and you proved everyone wrong._

 _Addison told me about what you went through after rehab. She knows you didn't want her to, and she felt guilty about it, but don't be mad at her, she was only trying to do the right thing. It was right after I tried to take your job, I guess you called her because she knew and she was trying to make me understand how much you'd suffered. I owe her for that._

Somehow Amelia feels she doesn't mind that Owen is getting a little more insight into her life. It's as if it's easier this way, not having to tell him herself. This way he'll maybe understand why being with him scares her so much, why it makes her want to run. And maybe it'll help her too.

 _You're so strong Amy. That's what I realised when you came to live here. You don't need anyone. When you're scared you push through it and you stand up for what you believe in. But please, don't run, and don't shut people out._

Owen pauses momentarily and she can feel his eyes on her, but she refuses to look at him and after moment he carries on reading.

 _Believe me when I say that you need people. Everyone needs a person. For a long time I tried to do it all on my own, but things got so much better once I let Meredith in. I'm so sorry that I'm leaving her and our children. Please look after them for me. There's no one else I'd trust to do that._

 _Which is also why I made you head of neuro, and why I included you in my will. I'm leaving you my seat on the board, and my shares in the hospital. You'd do anything to do your job well, and you're the only one I trust to properly fill my place. After all you're just as stubborn as I am. And you stand up for what you believe in. There's no one I trust more._

A grin makes it's way to Amelia's face and she can't help it. Their stubbornness was one of the many things they'd had in common and it had caused friction between the two often enough, but it had also made them a very strong team.

 _Don't feel pressured by this. If anyone knows about making mistakes it's me, god knows I've made my fair share, and I realise that you'll make mistakes just like any human. I've been hard on you before after you made mistakes, when I should've been there to help you, for that I am sorry, but know that I couldn't be more proud of you. You've become one of the best people I know._

 _Try to let people in Amy, let them help you. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to find someone who'll take care of you, and who'll make you stop to take a breath every once in a while. Someone who can give you the family that you so desperately deserve. If you find that person, let them in. You deserve to be happy, to be loved._

There are tears streaming down her cheeks now and she's letting them fall openly. Owen meets her gaze and she knows they're both thinking the same thing: it's as if Derek knew.

She had told him, but that was only two days before his death and this letter had to be older than that. It was an oddly comforting notion for the both of them that he'd known before that, and that he had been okay with it. Happy about it even.

 _There's so much more I could say, so many more apologies I could make, but I think I've said all the things that were most vital, and this might be a good place to stop. Just know that I'm sorry for all the times I did you wrong and that I love you. I'm honored to have been your big brother, and your protector (even though you didn't need one). Try to be happy Amy, you deserve it._

 _With love,_

 _Derek_

Owen finishes the letter and puts it down on the table, then gets up and walks around it to where Amelia is sitting. She stands too, letting him take her into his strong arms. And she cries into his shoulder.

So many emotions were swirling inside of her right now. She'd always know that Derek loved her and wanted to protect her. Their bond had always been a special one. But to hear now just how much he had actually trusted her, to hear his words praising her, it means more to her than she could ever say.

Once her sobs finally subside again she looks up at Owen and smiles. He's smiling too but she can see in his eyes that he'd been crying as well and she kisses his cheek lightly.

Last week they'd decided to give them a try again. For nearly a year their relationship, if you could even call it that, had been put on hold but with everything that had happened since Owen's return Amelia hadn't been able to deny her feelings any longer.

She brings her hand up to the back of his neck and tries to look as sincere as she's feeling. "I love you" She says. It feels good to finally say it out loud. She's felt it for a long time now, but she's never said it until now. It's strange to say it, but not unnatural. And she smiles at the joy that appears in his eyes.

"I love you too" Owen says, and she feels her heart overflow with happiness. Then she laughs, "Leave it to Derek to meddle in my relationship even after he's gone". Owen grins too but then he gets serious again, "how are you feeling?".

This time she doesn't need to think about an answer. "I'm good". He looks surprised and slightly dubious and she rushes to elaborate. "It's like.. this is closure in a way. To know that he trusted me this much and that he's proud of me.. It means the world to me". A stray tear falls down her cheek and Owen brushes it away with his thumb.

"Besides" Amelia continues, "He's right. I need to let people in. Which is why I'm so glad you're here with me, right now". He kisses her but she pulls away. She needs to get everything out first. "I love you and I'm done running. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, if you'll have me".

She's scared, terrified, that he'll reject her, but she's trusting her brother right now, not to mention Owen. She's trusting him not to break her heart. And he doesn't disappoint.

Owen picks her up with a broad smile on his face and spins her around. "I'm so happy feel that way, because I want that too".

They kiss again. This time she initiates it, putting everything she's feeling into it. She's still scared, there are still a lot of things that can go wrong, that she can screw up, but she's here, she's willing to try her hardest. And so is he. So they'll be alright.

For the first time in a really long time she knows that everything will be alright.

 **AN; I basically cried while writing this, so I'm sorry for any tears I caused. I really hope you enjoyed reading this, I know I did writing it. Xx**


End file.
